This is not a feel good piece to soothe your journey in asserting your sexual orientation. This is about me being fed up with your biphobic bullshit. You’ve been warned.
Don’t come into bisexual spaces demanding that we stop calling ourselves “bisexual.” It’s beyond rude and offensive. It’s shitty behavior.
I don’t want to hear that you think the word “bisexual” is nasty, too “sexual,” transphobic, constricting, confining, or limiting. Being exposed to your venomous biphobic words triggers my anxiety. I cry and feel scared for my emotional and physical safety. You ain’t no friend of mine! I’m not safe around you!
I don’t want to hear about how you think all bisexuals only want to date cis women and men. I don’t appreciate you erasing me — a gender non-binary androgyne person who’s on the trans spectrum. You act like trans folks ain’t bisexual? You act like bisexuals can’t have self-love nor love trans folks. You act like all bisexuals are cisgender. Nah!
I find your insensitive, self-centered need to express your hate for my identity, my humanity and my bi kin neglectful, emotionally abusive, and obviously biphobic.
Don’t come into my bisexual safe space (that welcomes pan, queer, fluid, unlabeled folks) and make demands for me to change my personal and community label for your selfish needs.
You label yourself “queer” and you blame me if I ask you if you are a LesbianQueer or Bi/Pan/FluidQueer. Do you mean GenderQueer? The word “queer” is vague, open-ended, limitless by nature, so be aware of that. Don’t be acting all surprised and shit when people don’t know what is your personal definition of “queer.” Why does it matter? Cause if you are LesbianQueer, the last thing I need is to share my deets about having sex with a cis man and for you to look all grossed about it.
You identify as pansexual, great! Rely on a definition that doesn’t use bisexuality as a comparison.
(Tears and “well-meaning” apologies aren’t wanted. Just change your behavior. Process your pansexuality in pansexual community spaces.)
Fey identifies as Black Bisexual Androgyne and uses they/them and she/her pronouns.
This piece originally appeared on ELIXHER on October 20, 2016. http://elixher.com/for-pansexuals-and-queer-folks-who-practice-biphobia/
© 2017 Fey